He does not walk into rooms.
Rooms arrange themselves around him.
Be unforgettable. Be inevitable. Be slightly oily.
One scent. One philosophy. One consequence.
by Jornan Loxalis
A fragrance composed of forty-and-one essential oils and at least one ingredient our parfumiers refuse to name on the grounds that it "should not exist." Worn by a legend. Survivable by you.
Top: ambition · Heart: glisten · Base: him.
Every essence the Master has seen fit to bottle.
The authentic Glister-Tonic
The bottle that started an empire. Distilled by torchlight from a secret blend of forty-and-one essential oils. Contains two (2) genuine drops of Master Loxalis' own perspiration, harvested fresh under stage-lights. Accept no substitutes — only the true essence carries the radiant authority of one who has died on stage and lived to be worshipped for it.
Be groomed. Be remembered.
Every product, every purpose, in a velvet-lined case — plus a travel size of Amazing, because the brand cannot help itself. The flanker-bomb is inevitable. Resistance is unglistening.
For tiny thespians in training. Now 100% Loxalian-Essence-FREE.
(We checked. Twice. For the children. You're welcome, parents.) Tear-free, tested, and only mildly theatrical. Won't sting tiny eyes — the spotlight is bright enough as it is.
He floats. He poses. He approves.
A floating chibi Master who strikes a heroic pose when squeezed. Watches you bathe. Approvingly. Always approvingly. The crown jewel of the nursery; the unblinking guardian of the tub.
Survivor of "The Trials of Larazod." Thespian Without Equal. Beloved of Men, Women, and Discerning Persons of Every Conceivable Persuasion.
He walked onto a stage as the doomed Larazod and walked off a legend — radiant, vindicated, and faintly oiled. The world had been hiding from him a simple truth: that beauty, properly maintained, is a public service. The House of Loxalis is his gift to a duller age.
Every product bears his standard. Every standard bears his sweat. He does not haggle with the blessed.
"I rubbed it upon mine elbows and was at once proposed marriage by a Duke, a goatherd, and a hat."
— A Satisfied Customer, Name Withheld For Her Own Protection"I doubted. I am no longer permitted near the chapel."
— Another"Side effects may include sudden poise, unexplained applause, and the irreversible conviction that you, too, are a legendary actor."
— The Physician We Are Adjacent ToReceive word of new anointments, limited essences, and the rare occasion upon which the Master is feeling generous.